Wow haha, so blogger has changed much since I left.

I don't know what instigated this weird return. If anything it can't be called a return, I probably won't commit to writing...

On a side note, I just read Whitney's latest post and saw many spelling, grammatical and vocabularical (yes I make up words) mistakes haha. Keep trying Whittles =)

But yes I digress. Hmmmm, I guess, I realised theres many things I find I can't say to people face to face. A particular example lies with a particular few people (I mad specific). There's things I can't say or let be known, because it would hurt people, damage our relationship or be insulting their intelligence.

Not that I'm honest on blogger, if anything I'm even more secretive cos I never mention names or anything. But at the very least the thoughts aren't having a party in my mind and driving me crazy (well...more crazy than I already am haha.....)

In light of recent events, I guess.....I've been doing a lot of thinking. To the point I space out haha...
-cue smashing into a pillar at Town Hall when I was waving at Kurt- gawd that was embarassing...almost anime-esque. I can't believe I let Carmen Yuki and Terry see that T________T. But yes, I guess after x happened, my mind has broadened a lot. There's a lot more things I let myself think about now, things that I realised I'd never really thought through. It's almost a relief to have so much time to myself. Alone time is good.

Of course there are regrets. There are always regrets...because it's in my personality. I'll think sometimes...what if I'd tried harder? What if I wasn't selfish? What if I let go of something that could be the best I could ever do? (I make sense ==") But life isn't waiting around the corner for a reality check. I guess I realised that when I was spacing out in the kitchen tonight while I ate overdue corn thins (HIGH QUALITY!). You make your own future, and therefore choices must be made. Whether they be the wrong one or not, you'll find out eventually but for now you can only believe that it was the right choice to make, that it was for the best. (awwww shiett thats some deep shiet Captn Obvious T_T) (<--- as you probably noticed, I critique my own writing...totally normal). Well anyway, sometimes it's healthier and more beneficial to be the onlooker. You learn a lot, realise a lot of things about people you would've brushed off as nothing before. Currently the prime example is person A. Watching how you conduct yourself, it makes me wonder how I compare...if I'm subconsciously similar to that, or if perhaps I'm too scared and cowardly to even say a word. Maybe it's actually amazing that you freely express how you feel. Again, it's that judging thing. I'm so terrified I'll be judged the same way I judge people -major hypocrite-. And I'm scared of myself, that my better judgement will lose out to my irrational self and do/decide something I'll regret.

ARGH no moar. need der sleep. Woke up at 2pm yesterday and its 2:34am now, yet I'm already exhausted. Cos today was hectic. It turned out to be so much fun, and I found that spending time Hakuna Matata-style is something I havn't done fully for a long time. There were still things I held myself back with, but at the very least, I was being myself without being scared of how other people think (much....-cue ALL the judging looks while me and Carmen sung and screamed on the swings at 9pm haha). But it was just that, easy atmosphere. As we walked through Darling Harbour with a slight buzz of coonversation in the background and a cool breeze blowing through our hair (I mad poetic...not) I felt completely content. So many worries and frustrations in all directions but just this single moment as the crew (+ Terry Oppa and Raymond) walked through the dimly lit Darling Quarter path, I could forget everything and be happy that life was just as it was. I hoped that we could enjoy many more memories like this in the future. (hurr...I'm probs just being soppy. Maybe it wasnt that amazing to everyone else...derp)

THE POINT IS~~~ I should sleep hurrrrr... So much work I should have done by now and therefore I am screwed next week. HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME DDDDD; Ok day at home tmr, so let's make good use of it, bakayarou!

あんたのそばにいるなら、きっと大丈夫。取り敢えず、この儘じゃ幸せなのだ。