A new addition in the box.
A letter.
That you'll never read.

And now all that's left is one word.

And then,

The End.

Wow it's been a while since this feeling LOL

Hmm...smitten over a gay guy LOL best troll ever xD

Much lols today, and much love for our grade's prefects and execs <3

Also, hmm... yeah xD I apologise to people who noticed about my...err...condition. LOL

Heehee funtimes.

Must make the most of this last week or so D; CAMERA SPAM!
Last days of school --> Will make sure to make it memorable!

Bring it btches. Who do you think will win? xP

Note: most of this post was written on Saturday night but cos I'm a lazy ass I only finished it off tonight...-fail-


In light of stuff that has happened in the last few days, I realised that I know very well the people I care about and would run to when I'm in any kind of trouble, circumstantially, physically or emotionally.



So this is a dedication to the especially special people in my life:


(In no particular order)

1. Sabbers - I won't say anything...cos I know you know what you mean to me. Right now, I'm waiting for you to show up at my house, because you sacrificed your dinner outing to sleepover and make sure I don't do something suicidal...literally. So, in a particular department, you have been a great pillar of support that I will also prop up when it falls over. WEIRD ANALOGY BUT U GET WHAT I MEAN! T_T


SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM :D love you too bec bec



2. Carmen - Carumen-chan, I love you. I think we have a very...understanding relationship. I think...it saddens me to think that I havn't told you as much as you deserve to know recently. You're...possibly the most special friend I've had in a long time. You don't do anything spectacular, but you're an amazing person. And when we're together things are just...so natural. Like I'm just able to be myself and I'm so happy when I'm with you. So even though, I don't come to you with the deepest of problems, I definitely could, I know that one day...anyday...if I do need to find you, you'll be there for me. And as for you being awkward, it's one of the most endearing qualities about you <3 Please never change!


3.  Kwan - Kwaanduck, I'm so sorry I've been neglecting you. I havn't talked to you properly in a long time...because we've both had our share of problems recently. I couldn't ask for a better big brother (unless u could drive ;P i keed) and hope that...the both of us will be happy. Right now, I'm in a state where u'd slap me and get pissed off to the point you have to 'snap me out of it'...which quite frankly i'd rather avoid T_T (-shudders-). But I know...that we will pull through =) Thank you for taking care of this hopeless little sister and always being supportive when u need to be, and bashing me into shape when need be xD


4. Elena - you're very observant...and i guess its unfair that sometimes I don't share with you as much as I should. I'm sorry =( I can tell you're trying, and sometimes it works...In fact, most of the time. But I just hope that you don't lose sight of what's really important. (Or I could just be completely off track and spouting out bs ><")



5. Atoms Family - I realise I've lost a lot of contact with you guys. But I try my best, and even if it doesn't show much, you all hold a really special part of my heart, and I care enormously for all of you. Without you guys, high school would just be...high school. Thank you for always having been there for me for the past 5 years <3



6. Kevin and Mum&Dad - (just <3...wanna limit this post to about friends so will leave this for another day)


7. Joey - In a category all on your own (IN A GOOD WAY D;) and cos I know you know how I feel...I won't say too much here. But I AM thankful we sort of worked things out yesterday and today. Today/night with Diwee and Mikey was SO FUN! >w< Let's hope we can keep things like that cos that's the kind of fleeting happiness which may save us <3



Shoutout to Kelvin for listening and being...himself to cheer me up =) -bashes with baseball bat- xD
and also to Leo for being supportive and understanding (note: he is not taking sides...for the person who cares)

and to Leslie for his love of red-bean 'sweetwater' (EW TT) and the Harsmar fail. xD Lots of fun, and was rly happy we got to hang out like that, cos we had such a good time just...eating LOL Hope to see you soon! You're a very good dai gorgor ^^ (as Carumen-chan says, like an older cousin)

and to Ray who I met just on Saturday who has been very nice despite how I was the first time we met T_T You are a very cool guy =DD And...yeah because our experiences are almost parallel (wowww...coincidence much?) I'm glad we were able to share thoughts while we watched Sabbers ride the camel LOL. Very '=DDD' about meeting u^^ as addition on Monday night; LOL we such shifty txters, and also I'm SO sorry for fiasco on Sunday T_T...I'm such a fail sand turtle LOL



NOTE: I have realised as of today (quite late as well...cos I've been driven by my parents/parents' friends since forever) that I am a SUCKER for being driven[/drivers]. I get a weird kick out of it xD...especially when they're crazy drivers LOL ref. Ray and Kelvin xDDD u crazy bastards!


Also, lol my neighbours are having a crazy house party and are right now playing Super Bass...RLY LOUD... T_T I LOVE THAT CHORUS!! DAYUM i just want to rave in my room like a retard...

I'm a freaking walking raincloud...
People should just put up umbrellas and try to avoid me till I go away.

Yeah story of my life...

I was...wayyy too excited in the morning. Maybe that contributed to my gloom and doom in the arvo. I'm like a sine curve LOL...
Hoped too much. Wished too much.

----

Sorry to Sabbers for txting like a douche today T_T rly am...

And sorry to Carumen-chan for ditching u D; <3 TOMORROW/SOMETIME SOON! WILL MAKE IT UP TO U!

And sorry to A cos I realised you were trying really hard to make things better despite me pushing the other way. You were really supportive and tried genuinely to lift the mood. Respect (Y) Also, I'm still confused. About whether you approve of me. But then again, after today's display of, in your terms, 'melodrama', I'm sure I've set in concrete that there are better...MUCH better.









[don't read past if you know what's good for you]
And...yeah. I don't even know how to put what I want to say to you in words. it's like...that move in Before U Go; [Deo himdeulgo sseureojil jido molla] forced further down until you have to hold onto your heart so that it doesn't break. Yeah I did leave something behind...a long time ago. I just don't think you know it's there. Maybe you don't care either...I don't blame you. Every time that light came up...I was just forced further into the ground. I was stretching cos pain combats pain. Emotional combatted with physical. I'm sure you know what I mean. I just...yeah. And when you walked away just like that...I just wanted a hug. That is all. I couldn't even call out to you. I never could, even back then. I'm such a coward. No...I can't think like this. I should be better (fuck i'm saying that too much these past few days...self-important bitch...) I just...enjoy seeing you. The times we get to spend together...(yes...alone...) are just some of the most happy times when I can be myself completely. I was happy I'd see you. So happy. Everyone frekaing person in my maths class this morning would know how excited I was...fuck. I guess, yeah. I just don't adapt well to change in situations. Evidenced by the fact that your recent messages list being 80% female bothered me. but its ok...actually maybe its not for you. I'm sure that if you were reading this right now you'd be thinking...'Fuck I can't take this anymore. I give up. Do whatever the fuck you want. I don't have to put up with this shit. This is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I'm stuck with this problem forever. Just leave me the fuck alone. Grow the fuck up.' I hate that I agree with you. I hate that I can't disagree with you. Just like I couldn't tell you what was wrong when you looked me in the eye and asked me. I'm just paralysed when you look at me like that. I was too ashamed of myself. Too ashamed of how I felt and what I had done the whole day to tell you. I'm a disgrace to myself. You're right, I've fallen a long way from when we first met. I hate that I still feel this way. I hate that it's killing me. I hate that right now...you text other girls how you used to text me...now I'm the exception. I'm the one black mark on your record. You...you were smiling and chuckling so sweetly as you read and typed...it kills me. And I hate that you look good in your jersey (LOLWTF...no i don't hate it....it's just annoying that you do compared to me in my oversized one ==). But the point is...yeah I dno. I'm obviously a freaking obsessed person who doesn't know what's good for her. Yeah...you'd think that once would be enough to tell you...the consequences aren't worth it. That [_ _._ _] ATAR estimate is enough to prove that I threw everything away...for what? To sit in the corner and stare sadly at the scattered fragments of me you still have lying around in inconspicuous places? Pieces you havn't even fixed...despite saying you would over a year ago. Yeah...I'm a mess. I don't know who can tell anymore. Do I try hiding it? Maybe. How many cracks can you count? How many till I break in half? It's ok, I have sticky tape. It seemed to work with the other thing. But then again, just like that thing, I'm never going to be the same. That shiny sheen of the sticky tape that isn't the right texture, that just visible repaired line where it used to be a rip. How much wear and tear can I take...before I rip again?
BUT HEY...this is all in my head yeah? I'm the only one who's thinking all this. I'm the only one who has a problem with ANY of it. It's my problem. I don't think I'm going to win this bet, cos I have that much faith in you. It might nto seem like it, quite the opposite. But I know that my sense of insecurity is attributed to sentimentality and mindfucking paranoia only. I'm well aware...that you're a good person. A wonderful person. Heck I'd know. But at this rate, maybe me losing would be a good thing. You deserve that happiness. You know what I realised? Yeah I think the non x-rated winnings of that bet works...Cos when I DO win, I'm going to need a hell of a lot to to drink to drown out the realisation of just how much I've actually lost in winning that bet. Yeah. -totally planned-. Don't worry I'd be happy for you. For as long as you could see. And then again, you read me like a book. Where else have I got to hide what I don't want you to see? You've already picked me out even between the lines.

edit: So I just opened up Fb...and died. -sigh- I am so ok. I'm so...totally not ok. -shakes myself- GET OVER YOURSELF WOMAN!

--------------------------
SO... now that my emo rant is over (to whoever actually read all that...I admire your perserverence and I apologise for the disgustingly melodramatic word-spuke...yes that's my new word) I am going to get back to Modern...which was due so long ago...
I'm rly letting everyone down.
And Miss Arrow was so nice about me being late handing it in as well...-bad student-
I'm so sorry... T_T

NO CALLS TILL MODERN IS DONE!