Want to sleep so much...
But only got home 3 hours ago, ate till 10 (LOLWTF)
And...talked to Joey for half an hour or so,
And...organised other stuffs for another one and half hours.
Actually no.
Half an hour was spent exploring my new phone apps,
and making new ringtones.
LOL

fail.

Yeah, finally have snr challenge organised and also got something going for schoolies.

Now, work...
Love how it comes least priority after everything else T_T

SO
Fucked...

1. Modern writing task 3
2. Hamlet Act 3 Questions
3. Modern Writing task 1
4. Hamlet Act 4 questions
5. Jap ext writing task

I actually...ashamedly...can't say much...I don't know what to say T_T
BUT

Lol so I sent this in a text to Joey as a rant...i feel sorry for him TT
Probs not the best thing to read while ur in 3 hours of maths tute.
Well he's sleeping now so -patpat- -hug-

Haha Sabbers says I'm still so lovey dovey.
Maybe xD
Things have changed, but I think with each conflict, feelings grow deeper.
Although, again, I might just be in my own bubble world xD
It's ok.
Even if that bubble pops, I know that I'll be light enough to land safely (shit analogy and no, not representative of how I weight LOL)

So...............
reciting what the 10 text long message I sent to Joey...only modified slightly ><;;


-sigh- first of all didn't get anything done last ngiht cos I didn't wake up [Joey fell asleep and didn't call me T_T LOL tag-team system fail~]. Broke down in tears in third period cos B and S were ranting and squealing inches from my ears on either side about [insert...stuff] and how B thought there was nothing wrong with casual [...] to get over conflicted emotions, [No hard feelings btw rly, was just in a bad mood and stressed out state of mind at the time so might've been provoked and overreacted] and this is all while I was trying to do my Hamlet Act questions which my pathetic excuse of an English teacher Mr Harrs made up which don't even relate to the rubric nor our assessment next Monday, which we are literally fucked for because 1) Harrs was away for 3-4 days acting in his TV mini-series and victim to food poisoning 2) we've only read 3.5 acts out of 5 3) we havn't even discussed the play in relation to the rubric or themes, 4) he hasn't even marked the work that we handed in from 2 weeks ago in prep for the assessment, using the excuse that he is under pressure, stressed, and has other classes to attend to. I also now must quit acapella because of Modern History revision classes at lunchtime on Tues and Fri which I can't afford to miss cos I'm falling behind in modern (<--- see this?! this is dedication and sacrifice for my HSC! T_T) (Although, Cleggers said it'd be ok for me to join again if I wanted to/had time) and also now Mizoshiri says I have to stay back on my only free afternoon in the whole week, when i'm supposed to get off at 1:15, until end of school so that I can do Jap cont and ext speaking practice with Mrs Flint (the Japanese volunteer guest) (evidently this jeopardises my Thurs arvo library plan with Joey/and the others T_T) and to top it all off my $3 got eaten by the chip vender when I wanted to buy pretzels after arvo class. And then Kev made me and Dad wait for 20 minutes at Pymble Station at 6 because he just missed the earlier train after band practice...because he was buying food from maccers, and then he deliberately missed the next one because it skipped his friends' stops, so he ultimately missed about 2 or 3 trains before finally taking one to pymble -fumes-. Oh and the cherry and whipped cream of the day was that my phone stopped working after my old laptop blue-screen-of-death-ed while I was updating my phone. Like no matter what I tried it wasn't working, and the phone just wouldn't turn on, and trust me I mean EVERYTHING, including charging the phone, Hard reset, and slapping the phone itself on my hand. Full freaked out and stressed out and told parents that the phone had fked up and we'd need warranty -sigh- Had completely given up and was...frankly...whining and crying to Joey on Kev's phone when I tried updating the phone with the update-only software which didn't require turning the phone on and finally after 30-40 minutes of excruciating waiting, it finally slowly turned on and i was like 'WIN!' xD And now all is good because my phone is working again. (<--- superficial bitch of technologised generation ==) And on the bright side, I finally updated my phone after a month and I now has multi-touch, and can zoom using finger drag and also the phone lags less yayy!!


Story.Of.My.Life xD

P.S. Keep up with schoolies contacts =) Cath seemed relieved and happy, so I shall endeavour to pursue these properties and hopefully take the burden off her.

YOSH!

Oh yeah, and don't forget to wake Joey up at 12 ><;;

Just finished making the Senior Challenge Mix on Audacity.
IT'S MY FIRST TIME USING A MIXER AND MIXING A SONG~!!! *O* -proud, amazed, satisfied- >D

My fingers are white and my fingernails pinky purple...I wonder if that's normal O_O

Just finished tute with Roger.
We're killing trees I swear haha...

Oh yeah...I'm not being spiteful.
Or resentful.
Or bitter.
Or whatever you want to paint me as.
Quite the opposite.
I just wish the answer wouldn't be a resolute 'ok. -sits back-'
Because I know you don't believe me.

Before, my phone vibrated for a call, and for a second I kinda...mm...
But it turned out to be mum calling me out to dinner on mobile cos she didnt wanna come out and disturb Kev and Roger.
-sigh-
Plummet all the more.

I wish we could talk.
And I wish I didn't miss you so much.
The number of times I checked my phone today...hoping for...
well I don't know what I'm hoping for anymore.
Because I'm well aware I'ms till under the slight hope, the illusion that things will somehow return to how they were.
Just to comfort this pain.
What a fool I am.

Hmm, I've kept up pretty well so far.
Telling lies with the face is turning out to be easiest when it's painful.
Driven by that single motivation that this lying is doing...at least one of us good.
And is justified, because we both...well...'need' this.
Or maybe more so for you.
I forced myself to do 'both of us' the better.
I hope it's doing you well.
I wish I could say the same for myself.

I thought back to how I was dropping my potato and gravy from my fries.
How you laughed.
It was so peaceful, and small moment which seems insignificant at the time, and yet looking back now I wish so much for that insignificance.
How I long for such a moment to be fathomable right now.
How that small moment not so long ago is now only so distant.
I was thinking about it during dinner before tute.
It took very much to hold back the tears.
And yet I've found myself strangely calm and lacking in tears after this morning.
Only one has spilt after I went to sleep.
And that is right now.

Again, I'm being melodramatic.
I shall chide myself for being contradictory.
And I'm starting to sound like Emily Bronte in my prose writing haha...
At least that might help my creative writing -thinking optimistically-
Yeah nah.

I miss you...miss you so bad.


P.S. No this is not a guilt-trip. I rather doubt it would provoke guilt, but just in case you take it that way.

P.S.S. Hence the gift is somewhat rendered useless...You can abandon it if you want. There's no obligation attached, don't worry.

-sigh-
Quite frankly, life could be better.
That is all.

But the fact that I'm complaining at all just proves I have no right to return to how it was before.
I should no longer have a say.
Because I brought this upon myself.

Because I'm wondering
If tonight when you don't hear that harsh ringtone,
And you by chance remember my face...

Perhaps it's a gift to be able to shed tears so freely.
I pity those who are unable to cry.

3 months to Two.
Sorry for forgetting =( and yes I won't lie, I forgot T_T
But -chu- as quoteth about 1 year and 10 months ago:
'God, I love you ><' =)

ATAR estimate ~ 92.30
Bit of work to do, but Melky says I can defs get it up to at least 95.
GANBAROU!
---------------------
*Must pull up maths to at least a mark of 85 (REDO, REVISE, REMEMBER!) <-- I made that one up xD -proud-
*Then pull up my Eng Ext to a 40-ish. (Must read the readers and revise poems, and do lots of research!) MUST READ WUTHERING HEIGHTS BY NEXT LESSON! And also...find new related material?
*Modern was a Band 6 90, but I'm not so confident with Cold War cos I've been sleeping in class, so again, READ THE READERS and go through all the notes...AND DO THE WEEKLY WRITING TASKS I'VE MISSED! Oh and go through the Modern textbooks you've bought~
*Hist Ext, everyone got 50, which I'm worried will go down a lot when it comes to the exam, so again, LOTS OF RESEARCH, and read lots of books for the project, and GET STARTED ON THE DRAFT!
*Eng Adv confident with the mark I have, as in I can defs maintain it...but I still need to reach a bit further to get the Band 6. Hovering at an 88, so just 2 more marks will make HEAPS of difference~!! Also need to find more substantial related material for Belonging!
*Jap cont, disappointed cos I could do so much better. It's not even a Band 6 and this is supposedly meant to be my 'best subject'. So I can defs get it up if I work harder for the next assessment, and read up on grammar and vocab...ESPECIALLY grammar!! KNOW YOUR STRUCTURES!
*Jap ext is particularly worrying cos Mizoshiri full massacred me at Parent Teacher interviews. CAPABLE but needs the effort and stop spreading myself across extracurricular stuff and mobile phone so much. SO! Must watch news EVERY NIGHT (when possible) to keep up with world news, and also collect articles and material for portfolio! And do heaps of practice writing tasks and COLLATE VOCAB! GOSH!
----------------------------

And that is the way the cookie crumbles.
Melks says 60% of the equation is left...so that 60% I cannot let go to waste or go down the drain with my mobile phone bill (LOL!)
THE LAST SPRINT!
3 MONTHS LEFT!

YOSH!

ALSO!
SHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEET have nto done yearbook page yet and NEED TO DO IT BY TOMOZ NIGHT LATEST?! What do i put for a profile page?! how do I do it!?!?! <--- photoshop noob
And...Need to finish choree-ing for Snr challenge so that we can defs have all the choree down by next week latest, then it gives us 2 weeks to polish and organise and do formations!!
AND! If I'm gonna order books I NEED TO DO IT SOON! Or else the ones for school will come after exams! T_T
-Hamlet York Notes
-Hamlet No Fear Shakespeare
-An Antic Disposition by Alan Gordon
-Nationalism and Gender by Chizuko Ueno
-Rurouni Kenshin Vizbig Volumes 3, 5, 6, 8, 9

And there's probably other stuff I need to remind myself of too...but I really can't rack my brain and remember anything right now T_T

P.S. btw to Tina, I'm so sorry I couldnt be there at lunch cos I had a lunchtime class =( HAPPY 17th MY AWESOME SQUISHIE! -hug-

*Note: I cleaned out a mountain of old clothes from like 10 years ago onwards from my closet the other day, as well as all my existing handbags. The last step has nowbeen taken as I finally empty my beige bag that I took to AFS... LOL

Sitting on a rumbling train, in the cold dark night, listening to the songs I like.